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North American Network Operators Group Date Prev | Date Next | Date Index | Thread Index | Author Index | Historical Stupid Senate Tricks
Some TGIF humor. Last message on crypto from me, I promise! --Declan ********** http://cgi.pathfinder.com/netly/opinion/0,1042,1344,00.html The Netly News Network (http://netlynews.com/) September 5, 1997 Stupid Senate Tricks by Declan McCullagh ([email protected]) What do you get when you mix discussions of high technology and the Internet with the weak minds of the aging techno-half-wits in the U.S. Congress? Answer: a screwball dialogue that veers haphazardly between the idiotic and inane. From the infamous father of the Communications Decency Act to the California senator who confuses computer mice with real rodents, Washington lawmakers rarely have a clue about the technology they try to regulate. Now that Congress is back in session, the lawmakers will once again be muddling through press conferences and briefings with the help of hovering aides. But sometimes they try to make a go of it on their own -- and then the results aren't pretty. [...] Encryption, however, remains the topic most likely to transform articulate legislators into babbling birdbrains. In July, the House International Relations Committee was desperately seeking a metaphor to explain the effect of permitting the export of data-scrambling software. Then came the moment of bovine intervention: "Do we open the doors to let all the cows out?" asked one member. An FBI official replied, "There are many, many still left inside the barn." No, said Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif), "The cows are tromping all over America. Cows can replicate. They're being born all over the world. There's plenty of beef available!" When Sen. Bob Kerrey (D-Neb.) was asked to define encryption, the results were horrific. "Well, I mean, to answer your question, I mean, encryption is -- the political equivalent of encryption is you ask me a question, I give you an answer and you don't understand it," he managed. "I mean, I intentionally garble the answer frequently. I intentionally garble the response so that you can't understand what I'm saying. And that's -- you notice that I've got the ability to do that." [...]
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